moxie traveler: 09/2007

"Do you think I did the right thing? YES. I guess I'll be missing my psych class tomorrow. next time, you'll find a more caring and decent boy. They're out there, its going to be ok. I want to go to Denver mom. we'll talk about it later.. rest for now."

I was in the hospital as I slowly came too after my surgery and overheard this conversation. My stomach hasn't been getting better and last week I went in to get minor surgery so that the doctors can examine the tissue. Now everyone is puzzled, I just hope that its an infection of some sort of antibiotics will end this. Ever since I've come to Chicago I've never slept so much in my entire life and not to spit on Chicago, but not being in NYC has probably allowed me to feel less pressured to be active. Never the less, this weekend I probably slept even more than my roommate's cat. Which, given a cat's tendency to sleep all day, is probably a major feat. Right now I'm awaiting the results from the exam and going to class to avoid thinking too hard about the results.

In the hospital, I was in the woman's wing and overhearing all stages of life. The girl next to me moaned and writhed in pain after her procedure while another woman wouldn't stop talking loudly about her entire life experience, starting with elementary school. Another women huffed in labor and in between I groggily slipped in and out of consciousness as the blood pressure machine pinched my arm tightly every 15 minutes to check on my condition. In the room women chattered, moaned and asked questions and occasionally men came and go. So much drama and so many stories in one little room, women are the subject of this room and men can do nothing but helplessly fret about their loved ones.

Centuries ago our lives used to be simpler; keep house, have children, cook dinner. We were traded into possession of other men along with sheep, horses, land, power or money. I should have breast fed four kids at my age, but instead I'm working on my third degree. Thank goodness I look younger than I am or during my travels I probably would have been received with looks of pity rather than protective concern in some of the countries I went to (they thought I was 18). Nowadays in America we have so much more on our plates, juggling the traditions while aspiring towards our dreams and goals and dealing with what the media tells us we should and must be. In between it all, many of us are trying to establish our independence, identity and a real sense of confidence. And to top it all off, we have to be women, which leads to another mountain of questions. What is feminism? What is feminine? Was the sexual revolution really liberation or did we just screw ourselves from being treated with honor and respect? Are we just fooling ourselves in thinking we can have everything? What happens if you don't pursue motherhood? Is this why so many women my age are "opting out"? Slipping in and out of consciousness for two hours I thought of the stories that we all have to tell, what a writer's dream a stay in the hospital could be. It definitely gives you food for thought.